Confronting Atemu
by The Fellow Marauder
Summary: Realizing how much pain his boyfriend has been in recently, Yuugi tries his best to console as well as confront the yami spirit he so desperately loves. Yet will Atemu listen to what Yuugi has to say? For Yaoishoujo. R&R!


This is something I wanted to write for my girlfriend; something that came to mind spontatneously (as a muse. Horray!) when I was busy updating another fanfic I was writing. I was listening to "You are so Beautiful" as I was typing, and it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps this was one way I could prove to her (again) that she is beautiful. I know she does not believe she is, but I want to prove it to her.

Heather... this is for you :amiable smile:

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters to _Yuugiou_ (foiled again!)

"Atemu?"

The ancient pharaoh glanced over at his younger aibou as the smaller boy entered the room. Concern echoing in his voice and painted in his eyes, the small duelist surveryed the one he loved. "What is it, Yuugi?"

Unsure if he should say what he was feeling about what he had just witnessed, Yuugi shuffled his feet and played with his hands momentarily before muttering, "Uhm... what were you doing?"

"Nothing." Atemu replied. As Yuugi surveyed him, he did not require the ability to read his pharaoh to know he was lying; he had seen it with his own eyes. Atemu had been looking at his reflection in the mirror and had been scowling at it. Yuugi realized that this sort of behaviour seemed to be increasing recently; that everytime Atemu passed by a mirror, he would be ashamed at what looked back at him. Not knowing what to say or do to make this stop, Yuugi had stood by in silence and watched.

He did the same thing at that time, as well. He did nothing to stop his pharaoh. Heart falling into the depths of his stomach, he clenched his teeth together to prevent any tears from cascading down his cheeks. Looking away, he avoided any further eye contact with his yami spirit. Atemu, on the other hand, tried to ignore what he knew he had been caught doing. He knew there was nothing anyone could do to change that; nothing even his persistant little hikari could do to change the way he viewed himself. It was a hopeless cause. Walking away from the mirror face, he grabbed his bag and walked to the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder and asked, "Are you coming?" to Yuugi before leaving the room. In silence, Yuugi nodded. Despite his brave front that he tried to have for his pharaoh, Yuugi felt a few tears break past his barrier and stream down his cheeks. Hurriedly wiping the evidence away to keep his koi from noticing, he sniffed, took several deep breaths and followed his pharaoh out of the house to head for school.

Through the rest of the day, Yuugi's mind was clouded with thoughts of his pharaoh; desperate attempts to help him see that he is not as horrible as he believed himself to be; that he truly was beautiful. Nothing that entered Yuugi's mind, however, was good enough to help solve his pharaoh's problem. As each hour passed, the small duelist was even more convinced that he was unable to help his hurting pharaoh.

At lunch, as per usual, Yuugi and Atemu caught up with all their friends: Jonouchi, Honda, Mai, Seto, Otogi and Bakura. Yuugi could not help but notice that, once again, Atemu brought nothing to eat. Upon being confronted by his friends, he used the excuse that he had no money, and that he had been to busy that morning to grab anything to eat for lunch. When he told them this, he refused to look at Yuugi. He knew that Yuugi would call him a liar, since they lived together and he knew that Atemu had had plenty of time to make something if he had wanted.

However, yet again, Yuugi said nothing. He was too afraid of making matters worse to get involved. He wanted to wait for the perfect moment to speak to him; so that whatever he had to say, his pharaoh would actually listen to him.

Several days past like this and, once again, Yuugi witnessed Atemu's symptoms get worse. He always had been skinny, so it was even more noticable that he was losing weight from not eating. Although the small aibou was not always in his koi's presence, he knew him well enough to guess that he had not eaten much in three days. Watching him harming himself like this was destroying the small boy. The more he watched his beloved in denial, the more pieces his heart seemed to be ripped into.

Four days after the incident in front of the mirror, Yuugi decided that this was an oppurtunity to confront his pharaoh. He was not sure what he was even going to say, or how Atemu was going to react. The only thing he _did_ know was that he had to talk to him before anything else grew out of control.

It was around eight o' clock when Yuugi came out of his room and approached his aibou. Atemu was sitting in the livingroom watching TV. Dressed in his usual shabby "house clothes", he had his legs crossed on the couch with his hands across his chest. He was watching _Samurai Champloo_, not even aware that his boyfriend had entered the room.

"Atemu," Yuugi spoke quietly, his voice choking up through nervousness. He was still not wholly sure what to say, and anxiety of the situation was getting the better of him. When the ancient pharaoh did not so much as glance over, the small boy took it that his voice had been too soft. Speaking louder after clearing his throat, Yuugi said again: "Atemu."

Startled, the older boy jumped. Tearing his eyes away from the telly, he acknowledged Yuugi's presence. "Oh. Hi, hikari." Adjusting himself on the couch, he smiled faintly. "What's up?"

"I... I need to talk to you." The smaller twin replied, keeping his gaze locked on the floor just below Atemu's feet. Looking curiously at his aibou, Atemu responded.

"Uhm... sure." He did not know what to make of his boyfriend's stature. Was he upset or stressed about something? His expressions and tone of voice made it hard to predict what was going on in his koi's mind. Sliding over on the couch (although the action was unnecessary), he patted the cushion beside him. "Come sit down." Obeying, Yuugi slunked to the couch. His arms lay at his sides as he sat down while he anxiously drummed his fingers at his sides. Atemu took this as a sign that something was wrong. Picking up the remote, he paused the anime DVD and watched his aibou in silence, waiting.

"I need to talk to you." Yuugi repeated. Atemu curtly nodded, but kept his mouth shut. Several moments of awkward and heavy silence clouded Yuugi as he ideas of what to say sped through his mind. All along, there was a small, encouraging voice that whispered to him: _you can do this, Yuugi! Do it for him!_ Finally, Yuugi gave into the soft tone and started his confrontation. Never breaking his gaze away from his knees, Yuugi mumbled: "I have to ask you... when was the last time you ate something?" Instinctively, his eyes shut tightly in protection against a possible verbal attack from his lover. As per usual with Atemu, Yuugi received no such thing. Speaking quietly, Atemu paused to think. He hid his drawn out thought process over a deep sigh.

"This morning." He replied. "I had a yogurt."

"That... was the last time you ate anything?" Yuugi asked, his small voice sounding heartbroken. Atemu cringed at this noise, feeling his heart clench a little tighter in his chest. Silently, he nodded his head, knowing Yuugi could see this through the corner of his eye. "Atemu... you did not even eat half of that yogurt. I saw you throw it away." At this, Atemu twitched. All the while, however, he never uttered a word. He knew that what Yuugi was saying was important and he was willing to listen; even if it did upset him a little. He was smart enough to know that blowing up on someone would solve nothing and resolve in little more than increased pain for both parties. Seeing this direction taken by his pharaoh numerous times, Yuugi could recognize it. Sighing, Yuugi caved to his emotions and allowed all his worry for his pharaoh over the past several days take over him. Finally lifting his eyes to meet his lover's, Atemu saw nothing in them but fear and questions. "Why are you doing this, pharaoh?" He breathed out, tears coming to his aid as his voice choked. "Why are you hurting yourself like this again? I don't understand... I just don't..." Feeling a fool for allowing his emotions to tackle him as he had, he inched away from the man he loved and clutched his legs to his chest. Burrowing his head into his knees, his tears overtook him. His body started to shake as, the longer Yuugi tried to fight his emotions, the more difficult the task proved.

Biting his lower lip in punishment, Atemu pulled himself closer and gently rested an arm on his aibou's shoulder. Unfortunately for the yami spirit, this action did not play over well with the distressed hikari. Whipping his head up, his eyes narrowed in anger before roughly shoving his boyfriend's hand away. "Don't touch me!" He shrieked, moving farther away from Atemu. As for the Ancient Egyptian pharaoh, his bottom lip trembled before tears errupted from his own crimson orbs.

"I'm sorry, Yuugi." He sobbed, lowering his face into his hands. "I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you... I hate myself. I hate what I am doing, and I... I... (sniff) I really hate what I am do-doing (cough) to you...!" Withdrawing even further from his love's side, Atemu increased the gap between himself and his koi. His voice faded off into silence again, but this time it was not from lack of wanting to talk; it was because, even if he _had_ wanted to say anything, his present state would not allow it.

His pharaoh's pain was the incentive that Yuugi had needed to stop his own waterworks. Sniffing and wiping the dried and just-flowing tears from his heated cheeks, it was Yuugi's turn to be quiet and watch his love without comment. Eventually, after Atemu's sobs had echoed throughout their house, Yuugi inched closer on the couch; first slowly, and then more deliberately. Sitting right at his yami's side, Yuugi leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on his koi's cheek; a kiss to dry his tears. Unlike what Yuugi had done, Atemu did not slap aside his act of comfort.

"Atemu," Yuugi whispered, his voice still hoarse from the after-effects. "I am so sorry. I did not mean to hurt you like that. I just wanted you to..." Voice fading off, Yuugi realized that everything he was saying was taking no effect. He knew all-too-well that every word uttered from his lips was not entering his pharaoh's brain; and it was not lack of his koi listening. It was simply that nothing would smack him into shape. Pondering his options as he stared at his heartbroken and helpless boyfriend, Yuugi filtered through his mind. What could he possibly do to make his pharaoh listen to him? What could he do to make it so his pharaoh could not ignore what he said? As if caught by a sudden muse, an idea popped up into Yuugi's brain. Smiling softly, he moved backwards in order to rest his head on his koi's lap. Voice subdued, he started to sing. He was reserved at first, worried that his voice would sound too raw and unattractive. As each syllable was formed, however, his courage grew as well as the loudness of his voice. "You are so beautiful to me... You are so beautiful to me... Can't you see? You're everything I hoped for; You're everything I need. You are so beautiful to me." Singing the lyrics to _You are so Beautiful to Me_ by Perry Como, Yuugi waited to see a reaction from his koi. It did not take long to receive one. Atemu's sobbing was overflowing before, but as Yuugi sung those few special lines, the act reached its peak. Atemu's face burned like a red hot poker as a flood of tears ran down his shielded eyes. His sniffing becoming three times as frequent, the smaller one could not help but smile as some facade of happiness engulfed him. "You are beautiful, Atemu." He whispered. "I just wish you could see it." He did not say what he really wanted to: that he wished his pharaoh would stop hurting himself. Although he did not voice his true emotions, Atemu knew what they were.

"I wish I could too, Yuugi." He sobbed. "I really, _really_ wish I could. But after all this time... it is easier to think of myself this way. It is easier to accept myself the way I see it."

Sitting erect, Yuugi stared at hs boyfriend, caught somewhere between horror and being appalled. "But it's bullshit!" He exclaimed, unable to remain unemotional by this, even though he knew he should. He could not fathom why Atemu would not even listen to him; why it was so difficult for him to be heard. "Listen to me, pharaoh," Atemu looked right into Yuugi's eyes, so the small one knew he had his full attention. "You are _not_ hideous. You are wonderful and brilliant and kind... you are beautiful! You are gorgeous and adorable!" Tears of frustration sliding from his eyes, Yuugi sighed heavily. "Why can't you see that?"

Atemu's sobbing continued at this point. Although he was listening to his aibou... although he _wanted_ to be able to listen and believe everything his koi was telling him... he could not. There was still something in his head that was preventing any of this information to seep in; much like in the old _Peanuts_ cartoons where all the adult voices were unheard. Atemu could not hear any of it. None of it was seeping into his brain for further processing. Yuugi knew this was the case when his crying became worse. Shaking his head, his placed himself in a fetile position. "I'm sorry, Yuugi." was all he kept repeating. "I am so sorry..."

Upset that he still could do nothing to rescue his pharaoh, Yuugi stood up and left the room momentarily to clear his head. Walking into the kitchen, he moved to the far wall and leaned against it. Taking several deep breaths, his heart constricted in his chest. He could still hear Atemu's struggle through depression from the livingroom. Gazing up at the ceiling, hot tears seeped from the corners of Yuugi's amythest eyes.

"You are so beautiful... to me..." He whispered again before falling victim to his own helplessness.

_Owari._

That was a lot more depressing than I had intended it. In fact, I started writing it after Philosphy this morning. Halfway through, I left it to meet up with my roommate for lunch and was depressed for a good few hours afterwards. I am sorry, Heather. This turned into a little more fact than I had intended. Please do not get upset with me!

Everyone else: let me know (via reviews) whether this story was good or not. Onegaishimasu! -N.S


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